Chapter 10 - A Mother's House.
Judge Holloway approved Sarah's first unsupervised day visit two days later.
Ethan expected Noah to be excited.
He was.
Ethan expected himself to be nervous.
He was.
What he did not expect was to care what Sarah's apartment looked like.
He had imagined something temporary.
A rehabilitation unit.
A room with medical equipment.
A place that would prove she was not ready.
Instead, Sarah lived in a small two-bedroom apartment above a bakery.
The stairs were narrow.
The hallway smelled like cinnamon.
The front door was painted dark green.
There was a welcome mat that said COME IN, WE'RE PROBABLY HUNGRY.
Ethan stared at it.
"You bought that?"
Sarah unlocked the door.
"Yes."
"That is painfully Mom."
She smiled.
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Inside, the apartment was clean without being perfect.
A blanket lay crooked across the couch.
Mail sat on the counter.
A grocery list was held to the refrigerator with a magnet shaped like a taco.
Noah ran to the window.
"You can see the bakery."
"Yes."
"Do they give you free cookies?"
"Sometimes."
"I want to live here."
Ethan laughed.
Sarah looked at him.
"No bribery through baked goods."
"Good luck with that."
Then Ethan saw the hallway.
Two doors.
One was open.
Inside was a small bedroom.
Blue comforter.
A shelf of children's books.
A night-light.
A stuffed dinosaur.
Noah stared.
"Is that mine?"
Sarah's smile became uncertain.
"If you want it to be."
Noah ran inside.
He bounced onto the bed.
Sarah laughed.
Then Ethan noticed the other door.
Closed.
He looked at Sarah.
She followed his gaze.
"That one is yours."
His stomach tightened.
"You made me a room."
"I tried."
"I haven't said I'm living here."
"I know."
"You don't know what I like."
"I know."
"Then what's in it?"
"Mostly nothing."
Ethan looked at her.
Sarah shrugged.
"I figured nothing was safer than guessing wrong."
He opened the door.
She had been telling the truth.
The room held a bed.
A desk.
A lamp.
Plain gray bedding.
No posters.
No decorations.
No childhood photographs.
One empty bookshelf.
Ethan stood in the doorway.
The emptiness affected him more than a fully decorated room would have.
It did not pretend.
It waited.
Sarah stayed in the hall.
"You can hate it."
"I don't."
"You can change everything."
"I know."
"You do not have to use it."
"I know."
Ethan stepped inside.
On the desk was one object.
His old baseball glove.
He froze.
Sarah spoke quickly.
"Rebecca found it in the county storage boxes."
Ethan picked it up.
The leather was cracked.
His father had bought it for him when he was nine.
Ethan had thought Grant threw it away.
He slid his hand inside.
Too small now.
Still familiar.
"Dad wrote my name in it."
Sarah pointed.
The faded black marker remained.
ETHAN P.
"He always added the P like there were six other Ethans on the team."
Ethan smiled.
"There were two."
"Close enough."
He set the glove down.
Sarah walked away to give him space.
Ethan sat on the bed.
Through the wall, he heard Noah opening drawers and announcing every discovery.
"Socks!"
A pause.
"Mom, there are dinosaur socks!"
Sarah shouted back.
"I panicked in the store."
Ethan laughed under his breath.
He looked around the blank room.
For the first time, living with Sarah felt like a real possibility.
That was when he noticed the closet.
The door was partly open.
Inside were cardboard boxes.
One had his name.
He pulled it out.
Photographs.
School art.
Birthday cards.
Every item dated before Sarah's disappearance.
She had kept them.
Or someone had returned them.
At the bottom was a letter.
Ethan recognized Sarah's handwriting.
His name was on the front.
He stared at it.
Then heard her footsteps.
She stopped in the doorway.
Her face changed when she saw the envelope.
"What is this?"
Sarah sat slowly.
"I wrote it in rehab."
"When?"
"About two years ago."
"When you thought I was dead."
"Yes."
"Why write to a dead kid?"
Her eyes filled.
"Because I was going crazy if I didn't."
Ethan looked at the envelope.
"Did you write Noah one?"
"Yes."
"Can I read it?"
"It's yours."
He opened it.
The letter was six pages.
The first line stopped him.
Ethan, I do not know whether there is anywhere in the world for these words to go, so I am putting them on paper because a mother has to speak to her child somehow.
Ethan swallowed.
He read.
Sarah had written about the day he was born.
About how Owen cried harder than the baby.
About Ethan's first day of kindergarten.
About the time he broke a lamp and blamed the dog even though they did not own a dog.
Ethan laughed through tears.
Then the letter changed.
I keep having a dream that you are standing outside a door.
I can hear you calling for me.
I cannot open it.
I wake up reaching for the handle.
Ethan stopped.
The courtroom door.
He had spent three years on the other side.
He kept reading.
If there is any part of the universe that allows love to reach people after they are gone, I hope you know I am still your mother.
I hope you know I am sorry I could not protect you.
I hope you know I would trade every day I have left for one more breakfast where you complain about burnt toast.
Ethan folded the letter.
He could not continue.
Sarah sat in the hallway.
She was crying silently.
Ethan looked at her.
"You really thought we were dead."
Sarah nodded.
He held up the letter.
"This is before you remembered Grant saying we were alive."
"Yes."
"Why didn't you show me?"
"I didn't know if you wanted it."
Ethan stared at the pages.
"Everything you do is waiting for me to choose."
Sarah wiped her face.
"I took enough choices from you by being gone."
"You didn't choose to be gone."
"No."
"But I am still the adult who disappeared."
"That's not fair."
"Maybe not."
"You were hurt."
"Yes."
"You were lied to."
"Yes."
"So stop acting like you committed some crime."
Sarah looked at him.
"I am not punishing myself."
"You are."
"I am making room for your anger."
Ethan looked down.
"I don't know what to do with it if I'm not angry at you."
Sarah's voice softened.
"You don't have to know yet."
He stared at the letter.
Then said the thing he had not planned to say.
"I want to sleep here."
Sarah stopped breathing.
Ethan immediately added.
"One night."
"Okay."
"If the judge approves."
"Okay."
"With Noah."
"Of course."
"And if I change my mind-"
"You can leave."
Ethan nodded.
Sarah did not smile too widely.
That helped.
Later, they ate lunch on the floor because Sarah had only two dining chairs.
Noah declared this "better."
Ethan found a deck of cards.
Sarah cheated badly at Go Fish.
They argued about music.
For four hours, nothing happened.
No mysterious cars.
No attorneys.
No hidden ledgers.
No court calls.
Then someone knocked on the door.
Sarah's body changed instantly.
Ethan saw it.
She looked toward the peephole.
"Stay here."
Ethan stood.
"No."
"Ethan."
"We're not doing the thing where you go to the scary door and I sit down."
Sarah almost argued.
Then stopped.
"Fine."
They approached together.
Noah stayed in his room.
Sarah looked through the peephole.
Her face drained.
"What?"
Ethan whispered.
She stepped back.
"Grant."
Ethan's blood went cold.
The knock came again.
Not loud.
Three polite taps.
Sarah reached for her phone.
Grant spoke through the door.
"Sarah."
She froze.
"I know you're there."
Ethan moved toward the door.
Sarah caught his arm.
"No."
"You said we do it together."
"Together does not mean opening the door."
She called police.
Grant spoke again.
"I came to explain."
Ethan's jaw tightened.
Sarah did not answer.
"I know what Victor did."
Rebecca had warned them not to engage.
Dana had warned them.
Judge Holloway had warned them.
Ethan knew all of that.
Still, he stepped closer.
"What did Victor do?"
Sarah grabbed his sleeve.
Grant heard him.
"Ethan."
The voice from the other side of the door made Ethan feel thirteen again.
Grant had sounded like family once.
That was the hardest part.
"Open the door."
Ethan's face hardened.
"No."
"I'm not here to hurt anyone."
"You already did."
Silence.
Then Grant sighed.
"I deserve that."
Ethan laughed bitterly.
"You deserve worse."
Sarah whispered.
"Police are coming."
Grant spoke through the door.
"Sarah, Victor knows about the cabin."
She went still.
"What?"
"He knows you found Owen's files."
Ethan looked at her.
Grant continued.
"He knows about the retest."
Sarah's hand tightened around the phone.
"How?"
"He still has someone inside."
"Inside what?"
"The courthouse."
Ethan's stomach dropped.
Calvin had retired.
If Grant was telling the truth, there was another person.
Sarah moved closer to the door.
"Who?"
Grant did not answer.
"Who, Grant?"
Sirens sounded faintly outside.
Grant's voice became urgent.
"I can give you the name."
"Then give it."
"Not through a door."
Ethan shook his head.
"No."
Grant continued.
"I also know where the rest of the money went."
Sarah stared at the lock.
Ethan whispered.
"Don't."
She nodded.
"Tell the police."
Grant laughed softly.
"The police think I'm the whole story."
"Aren't you?"
"No."
The sirens grew louder.
Grant's shoes shifted outside.
Sarah looked through the peephole.
"He's leaving."
Ethan moved toward the window.
Sarah pulled him back.
"No."
A car door slammed.
By the time police reached the second floor, Grant was gone.
He had left one thing outside the apartment.
A plain white envelope.
Police photographed it before opening.
Inside was a flash drive.
And a note.
May you like
Victor did not start this.
Owen did.
